Nelly Furtado in Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Nelly Furtado in Concert at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.

The Health Report: Week 24

Oh, this week. The weekend’s been a doozy; a long, soda-filled odyssey. Well, not so much an odyssey as me sitting around, drinking Coke and watching Footballers’ Wives on BBC America. I haven’t done much, especially not in the way of exercise or having a sensible diet or any of that type of thing. In fact, I’m back to barely eating again. I just can’t afford that type of thing.

On the plus side, my apartment complex opened up the pool this weekend, so I can go float around when it gets too hot and pretend that I’m exercising. So that’s nice.

Right now, I’m just sort of waiting around, hoping to hear about a part time job doing customer service at home. Someone is trying to put me in touch with someone who actually does that job and can hopefully get me in. I think it pays nine dollars an hour, and I can do it part time from home while I try to figure out if I want to go back to school or not. I’m leaning towards not these days, mostly because my mom keeps screwing with me. 30 years in, and she still hasn’t figured out that if she makes a big deal about something, I’m going to do the opposite. I say “Maybe I can go back to school and get my teaching certificate or a journalism degree or something,” and she pounces on it and just pushes and pushes and pushes until the whole thing seems like a really bad fucking idea. Bad enough I owe an incredible amount of money for the first degree, which has proven nearly worthless, and my income is exactly zero dollars a year. Not only am I not going to be able to pay the fifty bucks a month to Sallie Mae, but I’ve gotten a payment book on another loan, which starts pulling in $280.00 a month in two and a half weeks. Do I want to add more debt to that just so I can push off finding a job another couple of years? Is it worth it?

What am I really going to do anyway? I think my dream of being a writer may just have to get pushed aside. It’s not going well, and who wants to pay someone to write when everyone, me included, is online doing it for free? Maybe I should just find the dead end job I’ve always been destined to die doing. The world needs people to push buttons and dig graves, right? Of course, I’m too lazy to do either of those things. How lazy? This lazy.

I got this meme in my inbox. It’s a long list of general stuff, and you’re supposed to put an X by the things you’ve done in your life. I kind of look at it and just shake my head at how boring I really am. I’ll just summarize this here. I’ve never crashed a friend’s car or stolen one. I’ve never been dumped, believe it or not. I’ve never really been in a fist fight. I’ve never gone on a blind date. Never been to Europe or Mexico. Never seen someone die, and I hope never to. I’ve never purposely set a part of myself on fire, been skiing, or had a tea party. I’ve met people on the internet, but never met them in real life. I’ve never used a fake ID or gotten kicked out of a bar. I’ve never even been in a club. I never got suspended. I’ve never danced in the moonlight. I’ve never witnessed a crime or been obsessed with Post-It Notes. I never paid for a meal with only coins. And nothing ever came out of my nose when I laughed. I’ve never been kissed under the mistletoe. Never made a bonfire on the beach or crashed a party. Never jumped off a bridge, either. And I don’t know that I’ve ever had a wish come true.

But, on the other hand, I have been in love. I’ve shoplifted, rather a lot when I was a kid. I’ve been arrested (guess what for). I’ve smoked cigarettes (and cigars, and marijuana, and once even a pipe–and once even a hash pipe, for what that’s worth). I’ve snuck out of my parents’ house, but to spend time alone. Of course I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. I’ve lied to friends and skipped school. I’ve been on a plane and eaten sushi. I’ve been to one concert in my life. I’ve taken painkillers, most notably when I sprained my ankle in high school, and especially when I had my wisdom teeth out (all four at once). I’ve laid on my back and watched cloud shapes go by. I’ve made a snow angel and flown a kite. I’ve built a sandcastle and gone puddle jumping and played dress up and jumped into a pile of leaves and gone sledding. I’ve cheated while playing games because I hate to lose. I’ve been lonely. I’ve fallen asleep at school, and at work. I’ve watched the sunset. I’ve felt an earthquake. I’ve slept beneath the stars. I’ve been tickled, robbed, and misunderstood. I’ve petted a goat, but never milked one. I’ve won the occasional contest, and I’ve run both a red light and a stop sign. I’ve been in a car crash and had braces, and felt like an outcast or the third wheel. I’ve eaten a whole pint of ice cream and had deja vu. I’ve even liked the way I looked on rare occasions. It doesn’t last. I’ve questioned my heard. I’ve questioned my heart. Squished mud through my bare feet. Been lost. Been on the opposite side of the country. Swam in the ocean. Played cops and robbers. Felt like dying and cried myself to sleep. Sang karaoke. Done something I told myself I wouldn’t. Made prank phone calls. Caught a snowflake on my tongue and played in the rain, though not on the same day. Written a letter to Santa Claus. Blown bubbles and gone roller skating, oddly on the same day. Watched the sun rise with someone I cared about.

And I do love and miss someone right now. Right this second.

Life’s rich pageant, I guess.

Oh, this week. Did you know that Kelly Clarkson pushes a vitamin water now? Yeah, I tried some of it on Sunday. It was strawberry and kiwi flavored. I don’t know where anyone gets off claiming this is vitamin water, when it’s basically Kool-Aid. It’s fruit juice, only watered-down and loaded with sugar. Seriously, it was 13 grams of suger per the 2.5 servings contained in a single bottle. That’s just as much as there is in Coca-Cola. It tastes good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not really good for you, even though they’re selling it that way. I couldn’t drink it all the time, because it’s just as bad for me as soda is. Thanks, Kelly Clarkson.

My mom tells me to check out the Atkins Diet for real and not the way it’s been played in the media. That it pushes lots of protein and rejects the food pyramid. I like protein, and I’ve been looking at some stuff today about the Atkins Diet. I agree with him on a couple of things. First, his assertion that the main cause of obesity is eating refined carbohydrates such as sugar, flour, and the high-fructose corn syrup they put in soda. Second, that saturated fats aren’t the enemy, trans fats are. And third, that the rise in metabolic diseases have been caused, in part, by the food pyramid, which pushes a lot of insulin-producing food. Maybe I’ll put a hold on the carbs over the next few days and flush myself out a bit, because I do want to burn more calories. When I first started dieting, 24 weeks ago, I had so much more energy and felt so much healthier. Now, as we speak, I’ve got heartburn and feel sick.

I guess what I’ll do is really just start over. It takes a maximum of 72 hours for stimulants to leave the body, and after that, you don’t want it anymore. That’s how I’ve gotten off of sweets and sodas in the past, as well as stopped smoking. Just stop and don’t let it back in. I’m going to do that starting today. No sugar, no caffeine. Another withdrawal. Oh, boy, this is always fun. But it has to be done. And then, afterwards, it’s going to be protein, greens, veg, meat, eggs, a little cheese. That all sounds pretty damn good to me. I think I’ll do it, especially because I really do want to burn fat instead of carbs. I have more than enough fat to keep me going for months.

There are things I’d like to in my life and I’d like to be here to enjoy them. I just have to stop waiting for things to happen and dreams to come true that never will.

I got one other meme, this one at Tosy and Cosh, which is just a meme where you name ten things you’d like to learn to do. To motivate myself a little, here they are.

1. Play the piano. I love the sound of a piano, and I can find my way around blindly, but I really want to learn to just play. And to play well. The only thing I do well when it comes to music is listen to it.

2. Play guitar. I actually have a guitar, but I don’t know how to play it. I have a hard time with my fingering, but maybe there’s a chance I’ll figure it out.

3. Dance. Not that sub-rhythmic timed spasm thing that people do now and pretend it’s dancing, where they flail their arms wildly and don’t move their legs. I mean for real dance. Gene Kelly dance. I’ve always wanted to move my body that way, with such power and such artistry. You have to be powerful to be that delicate.

4. Cook. Really cook. I can barely make eggs and pancakes anymore.

5. Be a mime. I always wanted to be able to be an actor, but not just any kind of actor. One of those puppeteers/mimes/special effects creations where you have to know how to move your body in strange and unusual ways to create a character. Like the Muppeteers did. I’ve always had a slight knack for that, even as I got fat, and I’d like to really learn to do it.

6. Stunt drive. I think that would break me of my fear of losing control and going too fast. Plus I could be all cool like Kurt Russell in Death Proof, hopefully without the homicidal leanings, but hopefully with the ability to lure Rose McGowan into my car.

7. Surf. Hey, I’m a Beach Boys fan, what do you expect? Mahalo lu le, mahalo lu la, keeni waka pula.

8. Surrender. I won’t let anyone drive me anywhere, I won’t get into machines that I can’t control. I’m not even sure why this is anymore, outside of my pathological fear of pain.

9. Use Photoshop. I still don’t know what I’m doing with that thing.

10. Make something like this happen in my own home:I’ve really lost sight of my original goal from when I started losing weight: my desire to fuck teenage girls. Hey, I need something to motivate me, right?

So, enough feeling sorry for myself. I’m going to get this job, I’m going to stop obsessing over things that will never happen and things that already have, and I’m going to lose this goddamn weight. And then I’m going to be as big of a dick as Peter Parker was when he started wearing the black suit, because everyone has to pay, pay for what they did to me, I tell you!! Don’t worry, by then I’ll have learned to play the guitar, so women will think that kind of behavior is charming, not abusive.

Hey, c’mon!

Lindsay s Car Parts For Sale on Ebay. Blow Sold Separately

If I wrapped my car around a tree could I make money off the scattered parts?

Probably not. But I’m not Lindsay Lohan, and I don’t drive a Mercedes (or anything remotely close to the vicinity).

But wreckage from Lindsay’s wreck? It’s currently up to 28 bids and $800 on Ebay You can see it at here.

The seller writes:

This is not a joke. It’s just Hollywood Memorabilia for those who are interested in such things. Given that Lindsay’s car accident was a one vehicle incident, there is no doubt that these fragments were from her vehicle.

Any chance bidders will receive a special white residue on their auto wreckage?

Jennifer Spends Memorial Day With Courteney & Fam

Looks like Jen is playing Courteney’s role in these pics.

Source: ICYDK

Pamela Anderson’s expanding breasts

Pamela Anderson’s breasts expand on TV.The former ‘Baywatch‘ star insists she doesn’t recognise her surgically-enhanced boobs on screen because they look so much bigger.

She said: “I think my breasts expand on TV. I swear I don’t feel that big. When I look at them on TV, I think, ‘Who is that?’ It’s all lighting.”

Pammie has also revealed she never diets or exercises, but keeps her sexy figure by playing games with her children.

She is quoted by Closer magazine as saying: “My kids keep me in shape. I play every sport with them. Football, basketball, baseball - I’M always outside and on the beach, and in the water.”I’M vegetarian, but I don’t go to the gym and I don’t diet.”

Pammie has two sons, Brandon, 10, and nine-year-old Dylan, with her rocker ex-husband Tommy Lee. She recently confessed her boys are “wild” because of their parentage.

She said: “My boys are wild but considering their gene pool, they’re not too bad! They’re definitely not angels but they’re great to be around!”

Marilyn Manson Muses On Lindsay Lohan, Firecrotch

Just about everyone who wants to has seen Lindsay Lohan nude by this point.

Marilyn Manson included.

But the shock rocker, also known as Brian Warner, did not get a personal tour of her undercarriage, if you know what we’re talking about.

We’re talking about the infamous Crotch of Fire.

In a video over on TMZ and AOL, the new man of Evan Rachel Wood broke into a bizarre, philosophical rambling about Lohan’s “firecrotch.”

“How much would it suck that, forever, you’re going to be a ‘firecrotch,’” Marilyn Manson mused. “You’re gonna have to shave or just roll with it.”

Marilyn adds that it’s his theory that the drunken mess went blonde for precisely this reason, trying to pull a little “slight of hand.”

Clearly he’s put a lot of thought into this one. No word on how Brandon Davis, who coined the term in relation to L-squared, feels about it.

Manson also says Lindsay Lohan had “an obsession with changing her clothes in front of me” - adding fuel to the rumors that ex-wife Dita Von Teese broke off their marriage in large part due to Lohan’s incessant calls to Manson to “hang out.”

Manson says he did not heed said calls, although there were many. But he says he did spend time with Lindsay Lohan on a different occasion. This is getting weirder by the minute.

What’s next? We’re probably going to hear that he had a sordid threesome with Evan Rachel Wood and Britney Spears after the loon shaved her head.

Good Girl Gone Bad

This actress/singer tries to portray a very good girl image. So everyone was amazed when she got drunk the other night at a club and let herself be groped, fondled and kissed in a corner by two guys at the same time. She was doing some groping of her own and led one of the two guys back to the VIP section by his belt loop.

- from crazy days and nights

Methinks: Jessica Simpson, Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore

Helena Bonham-Carter, Tim Burton and son

Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton stroll in Paris with their son Billy-Ray, 3. The couple met while filming Planet of the Apes in 2001.

Splash News

Lohan s Dad: Lindsay Is Hooked on OxyContin

Lindsay Lohan’s estranged father says she suffers from multiple addictions, including alcohol and the painkiller OxyContin, the Web site E! Online reported Wednesday.

The 20-year-old actress checked into rehab Monday following a weekend that included crashing her Mercedes, being arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence and being photographed slumped in the passenger seat of a friend’s car. This is her second rehab stint this year.

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care,” Michael Lohan told E! Online. “And I’m satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That’s a very important step.”

Lindsay Lohan’s publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, did not immediately return an after-hours call and e-mail from The Associated Press on Wednesday.

Michael Lohan was released from a New York state prison in March after serving almost two years for driving while intoxicated and other charges. He said he is studying to become a drug-rehab counselor with the faith-based organization Teen Challenge.

Before entering rehab, the actress was scheduled to start work this week on “Poor Things,” a comedy featuring Shirley MacLaine, who is also a producer on the movie. MacLaine and co-producer Rob Hickman said in a statement Wednesday that Lohan still wants to work on the project.

“We are trying to rearrange the shooting schedule to facilitate her working at the end of the shoot to coincide with the completion of her rehabilitation,” the statement said.

In other events swirling around Lohan, who turns 21 on July 2, authorities who have been conducting undercover operations at trendy celebrity watering holes in recent weeks are seeking to find out if she was served alcohol before her weekend car crash.

California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control investigators also want to know if Lohan or others were served after hours, agency spokesman John Carr said.

Videos show Lohan leaving Hollywood’s Les Deux club at 3:30 a.m.

Alcohol cannot be served in California after 2 a.m.

The Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control told the Beverly Hills Police Department it wants to review witness reports and other evidence to determine if a formal investigation is warranted, Carr said.

Les Deux owner Lonnie Moore said in a statement that Lohan stayed late having dinner and waiting for friends, and wasn’t drinking.

Rihanna Update!

WATCH HERE RIHANNA PERFORMING “UMBRELLA” AT VIVA LIVE

You can see above some pics of Rihanna arriving and performing at the german show “Viva Live” where she sang her hit “Umbrella”. She’s been doing some heavy promotion in Europe, she’s been in the UK doing many performances and she’s been recently in Germany doing promo too. Seeing the pics above, i gotta say i’m not liking this look, it’s like a too much rocker look for her. Anyways, i’m glad her single is doing great. I read that from Germany she’s going to Prague (Czech Republic) to shoot there the music video for “Shut Up And Drive” and then she’ll go back to the states where she’s going to start doing lots of performances. Enjoy

*UPDATED* The video for “Shut Up And Drive” was already shot this past weekend

What U Think Of This Rihanna’s Look?

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